Alone in my head
Struggles with mental health, battling my demons one night at a time.
Trying to make sense of my mental health one photo at a time.
‘Alone in My Head' is my attempt to come to terms with my mental health. I have bipolar disorder. I’ve struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember, and I kept it hidden for nearly 50 years. During those years, I have found comfort in the night and have become a noctivagant, a solivagant and a wee bit of a taphophile.
I used to have my own way of working things out in my mind, and it helped, until it didn't. I stayed away from medication because I thought I didn’t need it. What I really wanted was to be alone with my thoughts, especially late at night when the world and his wife are asleep.
The only counsellor I’ve ever really needed is ‘Nik’, my camera. Like many men, I find it hard to talk about my mental health (I don’t talk about how I’m doing). I grew up in a time when people didn’t discuss their feelings. Even now, it’s still difficult for me, but ‘Nik’ never asks questions; he’s not judgemental and just sits there in my hands while I get my shit together.
After everything I’ve said about not talking to anyone about my mental health, I would urge anyone going through a hard time to talk and seek help. I’m too old and set in my ways to change how I deal with the shit going around in my head. Do yourself and your loved ones a favour: talk before it’s too late for you, and you end up wearing a wooden overcoat.
By then you’ll have had your last fart, and it’s too late for anyone to help.
